In my process of trying to figure out how to help Rayne I called my big brother Benjamin. Because of his work in statistics he can tell me whether my thought processes are absolutely nuts or not. In talking back and forth Benjamin said "I know you are just going to let this roll off but you don't deserve this. You have had enough trials in your life you don't need this." He was right I just laughed and let it roll off. We talked a little more but eventually it was time to put Rayne to sleep so I got off the phone.
As I was giving Rayne her treatment I really started to think about what Benjamin said. And although I still didn't care the I "didn't deserve it" I realized that there was a slightly deeper implied meaning. That Benjamin my big brother truly cared about what I was going through. Even though he had his own family and hundreds of miles between us I was still important to him. And he felt sorry for my plight. And oddly enough that made me feel better. Especially since Benjamin and I haven't always had the best of a relationship.
Overall things seem to be looking up but time will tell. But no matter what its nice to know my big brother, who at three years old was ready to take down a doctor because the doctor was going to give me a shot, is still out there looking out for me.
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